And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
