i love accidental penises.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
