i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
there is puke in my bra ... again
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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