when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
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My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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