That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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