Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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