Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
