words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Pooping to opera.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
