I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
