Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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