i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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