he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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