Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I did not marry a roomba.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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