clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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