i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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