Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
