At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
