State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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