Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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