I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He shit in the fireplace
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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