my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
