Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
