I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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