Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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