My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
