my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
