Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
