I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
