He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
