I wish I could teleport
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
