My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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