i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Two words: nipple clamps
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