We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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