I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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