Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
