The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
