She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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