I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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