Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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