the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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