He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
