Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Barsexuality is the new black.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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