You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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