When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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