Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
