who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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