I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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