Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
