I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
