We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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