I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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