it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
