You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
