Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
