Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
how drunk are you?
Several
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
