well I can't set my house on fire every night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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