YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
