Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
