Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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