Swine flu. Run for my life!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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