Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
