no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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