omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We need to get me chipped asap
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
