Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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