I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
