Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
