i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
