Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
