I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
