i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
