I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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