if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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