I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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