remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
