He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
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Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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