Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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