For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
